I’ve realised over time, that when I am my focus, that it has to be all about me…literally. Otherwise I am cutting workouts short and changing things around when I know better. So even if it’s -27 out, I need to just suck it up and get dressed properly, stop wining about the cold and just do it.
The only person I am disappointing is me. I’ve let way too many people tell me what I am doing in my life, and it just doesn’t work for me. THEY are telling me what they think I need, should do, and should have.
I KNOW WHAT I NEED BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER WILL!
I know I can ask people’s opinions, and I will still have to listen to other people’s views (even when I don’t ask for them, or agree with them), but at the heart of it all, it’s my decision. The only person I can blame for wrong decision will inevitably be me.
I have made mistakes lately, and now I am paying for them…But NO MORE!
I only need to answer to G-d if I do the wrong thing, or make the wrong move. I need to LOVE me more. I need to believe in myself more…and realise that I can only do what I can do. When I am better, or I know more, I will do better.
I have been in awful relationships before…ones that have hurt me so much…but it’s the lesson that lies underneath that is the important part.
I am so happy now…I have someone in my life who is kind and caring. Who is there, when I need help, be it a loving slap upside the head or just a long distance hug. She feels things from a distance, she has started listening to her intuition. She lets me learn my lessons.(Patience being a big one!) She is motivated for change, and ready to put the work into it. I am dropping the ball in that respect. I want our relationship to progress, and be what it is supposed to be…but I have to be ready for the time that is coming.
I have goals and need to be goal oriented to be ready for when that time comes. Now that my focus is back, I am closer than ever.
Hear that sound? It’s me kicking myself in the ass!
Don’t get me wrong, I know how far I’ve come. I’ve lost 70 lbs, and changed my life around. I’ve had some great changes in my life, and some not so great. But I am not where I want to be yet. I may never be the best runner, or the fastest stair climber, but I am better than I was, and I never want to be back there again.
Don’t let life discourage you, everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.