There is no denying the fact…my worst enemy is me. I fall off the wagon so often, it’s like a lesson in perpetual motion. The thing is….now I don’t stay off the wagon as much as I used to.
I know when it’s going to happen too…and for some reason, it still seems to be a surprise. PMS…For an emotional eater, this is a hard week. This is a week when I think everyone is out to get me (to some degree), everything upsets me more than it would any other time. I am more uneasy, more nervous, and more drawn to chocolate than any other time.
PMS week, I could sleep around the clock. I am exhausted, from nothing. I slept 12 hours last night…and I could have kept going if the 2 alarms I set didn’t both go off.
If I could control this, my life would be so much more organized, and streamlined. I can keep on my food plan the other 3 weeks a month. I try not to get down on myself for this….I know that it affects everyone differently, and it has improved greatly since the days of highschool…when I wished I would just die and get it over with.
I KNOW intellectually, that I feel better and do better when I don’t eat junk
I KNOW intellectually, that the chocolate bar I have sitting in the kitchen is not the be all, end all of everything. (But why can’t I throw it out?)
I KNOW intellectually that I can control the food part of the PMS week, if I just didn’t waver in what I know.
What really blows my mind, is that I can gain 4-8 lbs of water weight that week, and it disturbs me greatly. I feel lost and alone that week. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders that week.
Next month, I am going to have a plan going in. Maybe I can make this easier on myself. Maybe I need to do some reading up on it….There must be a vitamin or mineral deficit or something that makes me feel like I’m not in control.