My Worst Enemy

There is no denying the fact…my worst enemy is me. I fall off the wagon so often, it’s like a lesson in perpetual motion. The thing is….now I don’t stay off the wagon as much as I used to.

I know when it’s going to happen too…and for some reason, it still seems to be a surprise. PMS…For an emotional eater, this is a hard week. This is a week when I think everyone is out to get me (to some degree), everything upsets me more than it would any other time. I am more uneasy, more nervous, and more drawn to chocolate than any other time.

PMS week, I could sleep around the clock. I am exhausted, from nothing. I slept 12 hours last night…and I could have kept going if the 2 alarms I set didn’t both go off.

If I could control this, my life would be so much more organized, and streamlined. I can keep on my food plan the other 3 weeks a month. I try not to get down on myself for this….I know that it affects everyone differently, and it has improved greatly since the days of highschool…when I wished I would just die and get it over with.

I KNOW intellectually, that I feel better and do better when I don’t eat junk

I KNOW intellectually, that the chocolate bar I have sitting in the kitchen is not the be all, end all of everything. (But why can’t I throw it out?)

I KNOW intellectually that I can control the food part of the PMS week, if I just didn’t waver in what I know.

What really blows my mind, is that I can gain 4-8 lbs of water weight that week, and it disturbs me greatly. I feel lost and alone that week. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders that week.

Next month, I am going to have a plan going in. Maybe I can make this easier on myself. Maybe I need to do some reading up on it….There must be a vitamin or mineral deficit or something that makes me feel like I’m not in control.

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3 responses to “My Worst Enemy

  1. remember the 90% rule…. we live in the real world. recognize your choices and how you feel and that will keep you pressing to those positive choices… but sometimes, having some pirates booty is delish…. enjoy and go onward. it’s all good…. and keep you chin up!!!! you are great!!!

  2. OMG Jenn we were just talking about this last night!! Everything you describe is exactly how I feel and it’s just a vicious cycle. I was wondering the same, if there is some kind of vitamin deficiency or something goin on! I may talk to my doctor!
    Thank you for writing such relevant posts!

  3. It is so crazy that we KNOW exactly what this is and it is like a battle of will between our emotion and mind!
    Keep in mind that it passes in a few days and that I love ya and am always here even when your mood is PMS charged, lol.
    If you find any info. while studing on this I would be interested to hear what it says.

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