God throws a grain of sand…

then a pebble, then a rock…and (s)he keeps going until I smarten up.

My life the last few days has been a hormonal roller coaster. Roller coasters used to be my favorite, but in this sense they are nothing close.

I used to have a great support system, Linda, Peggy, Sue and Judy…they all were the ones that I went to for advice when I just didn’t know what to do anymore. Linda is my “A” type personality. Give her a problem, she comes up with a solution…she’s not around too much anymore, with the new baby, new house and semi-new husband. Peggy is here and there, just getting on with things I guess. Sue and Judy are my back-up for now. Neither are into physical activity, and I have no hope of getting either of them as work out buddies.

To get out of my last relationship, I did what had to be done. I paid my way out. I bought whatever she needed for her own place, and I have been paying the bills to try to catch up since then. I don’t know of any other way to get caught up. I have 2 jobs, and I make some cash on the side with PC repairs, etc….and other than what is budgeted, I put everything on th bills, except for about $20 a week. I am sick of living this way…something needs to give…and the only one who can fix it is me.

I work out alone. I go to work alone. I work with a group of people who are petty gossips, so I stay away from most of them. Then I come home, alone. I go to the gym, alone…I rarely go to movies, because I don’t want to go alone. To top it all off, a 60 year old woman from Scotland hit on me today. I am both happy and sad to say that was the highlight of my week.

I am fighting to stay financially afloat…and with this job paying me more than I’ve ever made before, I have decided to let my apartment go at the end of April. I am going to store all my stuff at my friend Peggy’s house about 45 minutes out of town. She said I can live there for free for the summer, as payment, I can help her with her twin 6 year old boys, and help her clean. Once the summer is over, I have a few options available. The one I want to do, is the not very popular option. I want to live in the hospital or in my car for a while. I’ve worked out in my budget, that I can be debt free in 8 months, if I didn’t have to pay rent….close to 3 years if I did pay rent. I looked into camping, room mates, family and any other option I could think of, with nothing giving me what I needed.

The hospital has showers, the gym, a washer and dryer, a fridge, the cafeteria, a phone, the internet…and I think I can get away with sleeping in my office on a blow up mattress. If Tom Hanks character could live in an airport, why can’t I live in the hospital?

So this is my plan…I have changed all my bills to be delivered electronically to my e-mail. I will have to use my parents address for my income tax etc…hmmm..does that mean I can claim my car payments as rent??

I spend so much time alone, what would the difference be?


2 responses to “God throws a grain of sand…

  1. Well….You know how I feel about the car!!! Personally, I think 3 yeARS IS ok…. AND what is Bonnie? Chop liver?!? You are NOT alone!!! Did you see the movie “BodyGaurd”? Whitney houston sang a song called “Yes, Jesus Loves me”
    “…..Sometimes, I’m lonely, BUT NEVER ALONE…for the BIBLE tells me so!!!!”
    Love Ya Lots
    Dr. Mo

  2. Wow Jenn! You have a lot going on in your life right now. I feel like anything I could say would seem small….so just know that you are in my thoughts and my prayers.

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