For years, I have had many panic buttons…
feeling like I will never reach my goals,
feeling that I didn’t fit in,
and feeling like I will never be loved for who and what I am.
Each one would cause me to go to the fridge and look for immediate gratification..Food has never turned me away, food never told me that I wasn’t good enough or that I would never get what I wanted out of life.
This past month I had experienced a few more.
1. While I know in my head that I am prepared to move, the fact that my parents (my step-father) doesn’t want me to move home, or really don’t want to help me reach my goals was hard to deal with. No matter how much I deny it, it hurts.
2. Opening the fridge at home and seeing it get empty stresses me out. I know that I have the money to fill it, just the time has evaded me lately. That more than anything stresses me out, and pushes me towards making bad food choices. I have always had a fear of not having enough food to eat. I know that comes from being little, and my dad deciding to punish my mother by not sending his child support. I don’t think he ever realised what it did to me, and how unloved he made me feel. So, when I open the fridge, and it is getting empty, the fear that invades my soul, is the same fear from my childhood. That pushes me for instant gratification….I need to replace that with going grocery shopping instead of going to fast food.
So Friday, since I have figured my head out a bit more, I went and got groceries at lunch. Last night I prepped my food for the week….and I felt so much better!
I know the right choices, and the right solutions…I just have to keep my head in the game.
So, what are your panic buttons?
What drives you to the fridge door without a look back at all the work and perseverance you’ve had?
When will I/YOU be able to make the proper choice part of the new way I automatically do things?
What steps do I have to take to get there?
Everything that always sends me to the fridge without thinking is always emotional. It is always something that makes me feel small, or not in control of my own life. I will always be the person who looks for the quick fix, and then falls back on the “only real way” to do it.
My solution for this, is to schedule grocery shopping as well as having it as part of my monthly budget. If I can have healthy foods in the fridge, I should be able to make better choices. Then, if I go to the fridge, there will be stuff there, ready and waiting for me. I may be in panic mode, but I am more lazy than panicked any day. convenience over anything else!
I have included my food money in my monthly budget outline. Scheduling a grocery trip on the saturday after payday which will be all my meat/fish veggies and water, and one the following saturday for more fresh foods only. This should help me be consistent.
This Wednesday is payday, so I will action this plan starting this week, and make any changes I need in the future to incorporate this into a monthly plan. I have a 90% confidence rate.
I KNOW that is the only way that will last.