This Morning, I felt like a failure…Now, I want to KICK Today’s ASS!

This weekend I prepared for the week. I cooked my food, washed and ironed my clothes for work, and packed my bag for the gym.

I was up at 3:30 am this morning…I got ready and left on my 45 minute drive to the gym. I got there full of energy…and then I crashed everything.

I go to the gym early for many reasons…the biggest one being I like to work out alone. There was someone at the gym this morning…and of course, she just had to be gorgeous.

So…I didn’t run on the treadmill…I did the bike instead, when I really wanted t be on the treadmill. Why? I just pictured the scene out of a movie…me on the treadmill, looking over at her, and falling off the treadmill…I did my arms workout and thought about how pathetic I was.

No matter how far I’ve come, I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the place where I can say I’m happy.

Yes, I can look back and see how long the journey has been, and everything that I’ve learned…but will I always be the little kid who felt inferior to everyone?

Then, I read @mizfit’s blog. The excuses that I make up everyday are becoming my reality. These, negative, self-serving statements are becoming my reality and I’m letting it happen! Will this be my true fight for the rest of my life? Maybe this is the whole lesson of working out for me…

It makes me think of a song…A big GAY song…

(every drag queen’s theme – I am what I am, Gloria Gaynor)

I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook
Or the ovation
It’s my world
That I want to have a little pride
My world
And it’s not a place I have to hide in
Life’s not worth a damn
Till I can say
I am what I am

I am what I am
I don’t want praise I don’t want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it’s noise I think it’s pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not see things from a different angle
Your life is a shame
Till you can shout out I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It’s one life and there’s no return and no deposit
One life so it’s time to open up your closet
Life’s not worth a damn till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am what I am

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It’s one life and there’s no return and no deposit
One life so it’s time to open up your closet
Life’s not worth a damn till you can shout out
I am what I am

I am I am I am good
I am I am I am strong
I am I am I am worthy
I am I am I belong

I am

I am

Who whoooo etc.
I am

I am I am I am useful
I am I am I am true
I am I am somebody
I am as good as you

Yes I am

So, to this morning, and the way I felt….this picture is for you!!

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One response to “This Morning, I felt like a failure…Now, I want to KICK Today’s ASS!

  1. Jenn – 3:30 in the morning? You wake up at 3:30? Holy moly woman that is determination. I love the picture at the end 🙂

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