Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
Change is a word that has a different meaning for just about everyone. At the beginning of this journey, I welcomed change. Any change had to be better than where I was. In a “going nowhere” relationship, in a job I hated, in a body I didn’t like. I know about my abilities, and I guess I gave up on “ME”.
The thing is, for someone who is a minor control freak, change is supposed to be something that is managed. I graduated my change…making sure I improved my resume every year by taking a course, ensuring I bettered myself…but I never though of bettering me.
Now I try to be more cognizant of the changes…no matter how gradual.
The biggest part of my lesson around this, was letting go of the schedule that I expected everything to happen on. For example, when I first started losing weight, I scheduled when I was going to reach my goal. Using the amount of weight I lost the first week and dividing by the amount I wanted to eventually lose. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yeah, consistency is not something that can be counted on, when it comes to weight loss. No matter how much I plan my weight loss, my body has a mind of its own, and it lets go of weight when IT wants to, not when I want to!
Same goes with learning lessons….any lessons. I try to manage the lesson. I have caused myself untold grief by trying to move things to the way I “see” them…and sometimes that means trying to avoid the lesson. Other people make decisions that affect my “ideals”, and I can’t take that into account. So, I’ve given that part of my life away.
I have stopped all the distractions…
I have regained my focus on many things… especially me.
I have let go of what was “supposed” to be, because I don’t control that…and I have to give up seeing things for myself..
I have to be the best “me” I can be…
I am not kicking myself for this, I am moving forward…even if it’s in small steps…
Other things I learned this weekend.
Although I’ve almost always known that oil floats on water….it was a surprise that fat floats in a hot tub….I guess perception is somewhat warped also. I have lost a lot of weight…and for once, I felt good about my body.( I still feel good about the distance I’ve come, just what I really look like seems to be a mystery to me).
Then the hot tub incident happened. If being in a hot tub in a bathing suit is traumatic, try being in a hot tub naked. Well, what did I learn??? I am incapable of drowning…ever.
I can’t hear the music, can you turn it up? oh, it is up? sorry, my boobs were covering my ears…(no, no pictures of that thank god…)
Someone can still love me, after I tell them all the crappy things I’ve done…
Everybody makes mistakes…
Everyone draws their own lines in the sand…(they even sometimes dare you to cross them…)
Sometimes you have to give up a vision to truly have VISION…
In MY weakest moments, I am always surprised who STANDS UP and reaches out to me….