Mizfit has done it again…she has made me think so much, that I doubt any work is getting done today…until I write this post.
Her friend Sue was her comrade…her sargent in arms when it came to all things progressive in her life…
It’s been so long since I have had a person who pushed me to do the things I am frightened of. THOSE are the things that make me know how strong I am, how capable I am. Those are the things that make me not complacent in my own existence. When I’m too complacent in my own skin, I start getting afraid of things…
Then that word re-appears….that word that can pull the rug out from under me. That word that takes all my power…when I let it….
“Can’t” is a contraction of both language and potential.
So today, is a day I think about my grandmother. SHE was my biggest supporter, my only cheerleader. The one who told me I could do anything I put my mind to, although she didn’t SHOW me that through actions. She was agoraphoebic, and didn’t leave the street her small house was on…for close to 25 years. She did work on becoming a lawyer through an at home study program from the University. She was a fabulous writer, and wrote mostly about her feelings. (I have all her writings from after she died). No matter what I accomplished, she was always the first person I wanted to rush home to, and show my award to, or tell my story to.
My nanny died when I was 14. Well, like everything, things change. I found solace in one bag of chips at a time…one can of coke turned to a case….When I fall off the wagon, I don’t just fall…I take a giant leap, and then I have trouble getting back. Big trouble.
I know when I’ve lept. It’s no secret, especially to me. I am a food addict, and just like any addict, a screaming trip down the junk food aisle is always only one heartbeat away. I am an emotional eater. I will always be an emotional eater. I just don’t see myself crying over something with a carrot in my hand…I am my own worst enemy. ALWAYS…
I have decided to change things again….enough is enough! I have bought all the good food I need, and I will be prepared for Monday. 8 miles to work and back on the bike. I’m bringing my work out videos and a few of us are going to book a meeting room with a projector and a laptop…and give ‘er!
I start a new gym in 2 weeks, and i want to take the police entrance physical as my “hallmark” of fitness.
I know, its taken me over a week to post this…i started writing it last week…its not because of the fact that i’ve lost my focus…its because every time i write or read about my grandmother, i cry.