Self-Esteem is the New Black


“You Wouldn’t Have The Desire If you Didn’t Have The Ability To Achieve It” Emerson


When I look good, I feel good….and when I feel good, I look great!

I have tried lately….but I just missed the gym. …AND working out! I felt hollow inside… I went to a gym yesterday and got a new membership. It’s a clean and friendly place….and I’m told relatively empty in the morning, which is the way I like my gyms….not too populated. When I am feeling vulnerable, I just want to go to the gym, workout and not have to look anyone in the eye, especially myself.

My self-esteem fulctuates…from “I can walk on water”, to “I can’t even manage to drink water”.

On my good days, I walk with my shoulders back, with a positiveness in my walk. I hardly notice the tummy I still have, because I am working it off, slow but sure. I smile, and I’m outgoing and not afraid to approach people.

On my less good days, I tend to walk closer to the wall, trying to disappear into the background. I hesitate to speak, in case I am questioned on something I don’t know. I avoid speaking in meetings…I am not completely comfortable with the way people are put out on limbs in them…afraid to be singled out. Almost sick at the thought.

I notice that when I’m not working out, I have more bad days than usual. I am more cautious, afraid to take a leap.

When I am working out, it seems to set my day up for success. I feel more confident, less nervous. If I don’t know the answer to a question, I will find it out….nobody knows everything after all. I am more comfortable in my own skin.

I know all that….I mean, I wrote it to me, for me…so why can’t I get back into the stride of things?

Its MY ass that needs a kicking….

I have to figure out a way to untangle my emotions and my ability to workout..

My emotions keep me prisoner…

or more correctly, I ALLOW my emotions to keep me prisoner.

I haven’t been the same in months.

When I am hurting, my emotions just seem to rip at my soul.

Part of it is because I have let myself not be the most important thing to me. I have taken the focus off of me, and put it on someone else.  Well, that stops today. I can’t make others decide things the way I want them to, but I can make a decision to focus on myself.

I control the direction of my life by my choices, not someone else

I control the limits I have for EVERYTHING, not someone else.

I control who I give my heart to…and who I can take it back from, if they don’t treat it right

I always seem to give my power away, but that is something I need to improve on.

Today, I make a focused decision….

I make a decision that I will put myself first. I will live MY life, and if you want to join me, you are free to…but I am done waiting for you to decide that I am important to you. I am done trying to climb up your list of importance!





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s