I have a very important person in my life, who is Struggling….and that is Struggling with a capital “S”….and I feel helpless. She is very important to me, I want her to be happy. (I’m not insane, I don’t expect her to be happy ALL the time)
She is one of those women who try to do everything herself….keeps everything wrapped up tightly…until it has no where else to go and blows out.
I just want to remind you that I’m here for you…I want to help…even if its just an ear to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, someone to cry with or someone to plan a covert operation with.
The three things that I try to do consistently to lessen my stress load are:
- get enough sleep. I handle stress much better when I’m not tired. Without enough sleep, my temper appears faster, and I get frustrated more easily.
- I always try to keep some sort of exercise going. Even if it’s just a walk or ride to clear my head. It helps to shake the cob webs around every once in a while.
- Not let the stress throw me back into an unhealthy diet. That will just add a bunch of useless calories to be worried about, and feel guilty about later.
There are really only two kinds of stress….things you can control, and things you can’t.
If the problem is the result of a choice that was made by me…then I need to take responsibility for it, try to do what I can to make it better or eleviate it, and move on. Hopefully, I learned a lesson and won’t make that incorrect choice again….but there is no point on dwelling on it. Other than that, I have to try not to make another incorrect decision and compound the problem.
I try hard to keep a positive attitude, after all…this too shall pass.
I take responsibility , because that lets me feel empowered to make the correct changes…
Lastly….I try to kill the ANTs in my brain….
Automatic Negative Thoughts…
It has taken me a long time to learn that self-deprecation, or telling myself that I’m stupid for making that mistake etc. is not helpful. …although that is something I’ve heard all my life from others. It also takes me away from learning the lesson. Why go through the pain and agitation without learning the lesson? That is like burning your hand, having it bandaged and then doing it again continuously….
I try to not use the “always” or “never” words when thinking about myself or others. Those two words enforce generalizations.
Guilt beatings — being overrun by thoughts of “I should have done… I’m bad because…. I must do better at… I have to…). Guilt is powerful at making us feel bad. It is a lousy motivator of behavior.
If I don’t learn the lesson, then it was all for nothing!
So, I try to organise myself….make a plan and stick to it as much as possible. Bumps in the road happen, so I adjust my plan as need be..and I try very hard to not let too many changes get me down…but life is a learning experience…maybe I’ll learn something new along one of the detours!!